broken girl
by glitter blizzard
Summary: 'You're beautiful. Don't ever forget that.'


Disclaimer: I do not own HP.

Written for The Song Covered By Glee Competition.

Song; What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction.

* * *

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe

You don't know…you don't know you're beautiful

—One direction, **what makes you beautiful.**

…

Nina stuck her fingers down the waistband of her skirt and sighed. Either the waistband had shrunk or she had expanded. Two months ago, she could have fitted her fists in there, now she only fitted a few fingers.

_But you weren't healthy then. _A tiny voice in her head reminded her sternly. _You had a problem but now you've got it under control._

Those words of self-assurance calmed her somehow and she looked up. She gathered her blonde hair in a tight, high ponytail and added another layer to her already mascara coated eyelashes. She narrowed her eyes at the reflection; at the thousand of freckles that dotted her face, the too chubby cheeks and pale skin.

She wasn't sure when she became so fixated on her appearance, but she preferred the time she couldn't care less. When she could look in the mirror and smile at what she was; even though she hadn't been fully happy with everything she saw, she still hadn't been so harshly, brutally critical with herself.

She preferred the days when she could eat without worrying about the waistband of her skirt and flabbiness of her thighs and the barely there but still very eye-catching pouch of fat at the bottom of her stomach. She missed the day when she could look dance in the bathroom while naked and never double take when she looked at the mirror.

_You've got it under control, Nina. _The voice reminded her. _Come on, let's get some breakfast in you._

…

Sirius was really, really bored. Usually he spent breakfast goofing around with his best friends, but today he found himself sitting with James and Lily, who were too busy making bedroom eyes at each other and feeding each other food, and Peter, who didn't pay attention to anything but food until he got full. Remus was in the hospital wing, recovering from last nights' full moon and Sirius almost wished he was there with him, lying on one of the hospital wing beds with so much sleeping draught and other pain-killing potions in his system that he'd probably sleep through a war.

To sum it up, Sirius was having a very dull breakfast and when he happened to feel such boredom, he usually did something stupid to distract himself. He was usually accompanied by James, but his mate was too busy counting the freckles on Lily's face to pay Sirius much attention.

Not gonna lie, Sirius missed the days when James was all about the pranks and the fun. He was happy for him and Lily, he really was, but sometimes, he felt a little bit left out of his life. It wasn't something Sirius was used to be in James' life. An afterthought. The second best.

Sighing, he let his eyes roam around the Great Hall. He hadn't bothered to make a lot of friends in the seven years he'd attended Hogwarts. His three best friends were more than enough for him. But he had quite a few acquaintances – a large number consisting of females, of course. He smirked as he recalled his latest snog with Requel Welch from Hufflepuff. The girl couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if her life depended on it but she was damn good with her tongue. Sirius like them like that. No brain meant no expectations. Inbetween planning pranks, being the best damn best friend he could, running around with a werewolf during the full moons and trying his mightest to drive his parents mad, he didn't have time for a long-term relationship.

His eyes lit up when he spotted Requel's mane of chocolate curls on the Hufflepuff table and he rose on his feet. She'd prove to be some entertaiment, at least. Anything was better than what he was doing now.

James' eyes flicked up to him momentarily, wordlessly asking where he was going. Sirius decided to not bother answering his unspoken question – if he really wanted to know, he could _ask _him; using words and everything. It wouldn't take that much time off his precious 'gazing into Lily's eyes' time.

Peter seemed absorbed in his breakfast; his plate was full with everything he could reach with his short, greedy hands. Sirius sometimes really wondered about that boy. It really was a suprise he wasn't twice the size he was now.

Sirius looked away from his best friends and headed towards the Hufflepuff table, striding confidently. He smirked when he noticed several girls around and look at him. He knew the effect he had on the ladies, he knew it very well.

Sirius halted his confident walk when he spotted a blonde haired girl, slouching on the edge of the bench at the Ravenclaw table, pushing around the eggs on her plate. He frowned as he watched her slumpted, skinny frame.

Sirius knew her. Nina Prescott, a seventh year like him.

Sirius harbored a very secret crush on the Ravenclaw. He never told anyone, not even James, who he'd teased mercilessly because of his crush on Lily. Although, Sirius's crush was not anywhere near the level of intensity James' was. And especially not now.

He didn't know what happened to the girl. Last year, she seemed a completely different person. She looked completely different, for one.

She had always been on the curvy side – which, in Sirius's opinion, was great. He admired shapely women much more than the stick thin ones. She had always carried this healthy glow that made her look effortlessly and innocently beautiful. She looked confident, and happy, with a booming, hearty laugh that bounced off the walls and filled an entire room – no matter how big it was – and a smile that could probably solve third world problems.

She seemed to be easy-going and nice and _smart. _Sirius had talked to her on a few occassions and she had always left a good impression on him. She seemed like a the type of girl he'd like to date, once he got into that sort of thing.

That was why he never pursued her. She was the type of girl that deserved someone who'd love and care for her. Make her feel beautiful. Sirius had noticed how she dodged compliments and looked down whenever a boy's eyes lingered longer on her body. He knew she was self-conscious. He just didn't know why. She didn't seem to realise how bloody, frustratingly beautiful she was – both inside and out.

But as he looked at her now, he only saw a shadow of the girl he'd secretly admired for so long. She no longer had her beautiful, so rarely seen pear-shaped body. Her skin no longer glowed healthy golden, and her eyes didn't twinkle with the same warmth and happiness. He rarely heard her laugh, and when he did, it was quiet and restrained – so tired and broken, he didn't want to listen to it – and her smile wasn't nearly as blinding as before.

He didn't know what had happened to change her so dramatically over the summer.

But he felt – he didn't know why, dear Merlin, don't let him turn into Prongs – like he owed her some help. Like, for all the years of staring and ogling and occasional stalking, he owed it to her to ask her what was wrong and try to make things better for her.

With new resolve, he spun on his heel and headed towards the Ravenclaw table. He spotted Raquel deflate from the corner of his eye but didn't feel sorry. He was going to do something nice about a person he might care for.

He sat on the bench across from her, making her look up. Her eyes widened slightly, her chapped lips opening in surprise. Sirius nearly winced when he got to look at her from upclose. She was still beautiful – in a haunting, very unhealthy way – but she was way too pale, her eyes way too sunken, her lips way too chapped. Something was very wrong with this girl.

'Sirius—' Her voice was hoarse and scratchy, sounding almost completely different than the rich, smooth voice she used to have. '—can I help you?'

Sirius put a grin on his face; the sort of grin that made girls weak in the knees. 'What's up?'

'Um—' Her eyebrows locked together and she looked down at her plate. 'I'm eating.'

Sirius glanced at her plate – it was full, the eggs and bacon untouched – and then back at her face. 'I see.'

She nodded, her eyes still trained on her untouched eggs. She poked them with her fork tentatively, as if she expected them to grow tentacles and try to strangle her or something.

'So, how have you been?' He asked, desperately trying to think of a topic that might make her open up. He was starting to really worry. Surely he wasn't the only one who noticed her odd behaviour and sudden, startling weight loss? Why hadn't her friends done something about it? Why wasn't Professor Flitwick interfering?

But as he watched her lonely figure, he realised that he hadn't seen her hang out with her friends for quite some time now. Last year, and the years before, she was surrounded by girls and boys alike, always laughing and having a good time. But she spent most of this year completely alone, progressively getting worse.

Sirius suddenly got angry at her friends for abandoning her. She was clearly unwell. What kind of friends left their friend when she clearly needed them? And then people wondered why he was so convinced that Gryffindor was the best house in the school. Gryffindors would never let something like this happen on their watch. They looked out for each other – especially friends. They never left one of their own to deal with their shit without any support.

'Okay. Studying a lot, for NEWTs and all.' Nina replied.

'Ah, right.' Sirius said, nodding at her extremely boring answer. In the past, he would have expected some joke from her. 'Do you— do you want to take a walk with me?'

That got her to look up. Her head snapped up so quickly, Sirius wondered if it hurt. But she displayed no signs of pain as she stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. 'What?'

'I asked if you want to take a walk with me. The weather's been getting better.' He said, nodding at the ceiling, the perfect duplicate of the clear blue sky outside.

She frowned, her eyes suddenly looking suspicious. 'Why?'

Sirius shrugged. 'My friends are all busy and you don't seem very busy right now, so I figured, why not?'

'All right.' She said eventually, putting down her fork. She seemed relived as she stood up and took her bag with her. Sirius stood up as well, and watched as she walked around the table to join him. He ignored the way her hip bones stuck out and smiled.

'Let's go.' She smiled back at him and they headed out of the Great Hall and towards the open front doors. Sirius didn't speak and neither did she. He wanted to be outside, where no one could hear their conversation.

It was slightly chilly outside but not too cold. Nina didn't seem to feel the same way, because she gave a great shudder. Sirius noticed that she wasn't wearing her robe but only her uniform and sighed. _Girls. _

He took off his own robe, looking around to make sure no one was around – James and Remus would never let him hear the end of it if he saw him now – and draped it over her thin shoulders. It nearly touched the ground and swallowed up like a giant blanket. She looked up at him, eyes wide again, and he was surprised to see that her cheeks had flushed pink.

'Thank you.' She murmured, pulling the robe closely over her body.

'You're welcome.' Sirius replied awkwardly, unused to situations like this. 'Look, I brought you out here because I wanted to talk to you.'

'I figured.' She replied, smiling a little. 'What is it?'

'I'm—' He paused, unsure how to word himself. 'I guess you could say I'm a bit worried about you.'

'Worried?' She asked, her eyebrows raising high on her forehead. 'Why on earth are you worried about _me_?'

'You seem different.' Sirius said quickly, his mind pretty much going to an autopilot. She might look different but her eyes were the same – light grey, with blue flecks here and there, piercing right through him. 'You seem—' He hesitated, not wanting to tell her she looked sick. '—sad.' He finished, nearly wincing at how _lame _he sounded.

'Sad?' She asked. She didn't sound angry or surprised, just thoughtful. She hummed a quiet, relaxing tune for a few seconds and then spoke again. 'I guess you could say I'm sad but it's nothing you should worry about. After all, we're not friends or anything.'

'Yeah, I know.' Sirius agreed, though it hurt to hear her say that. 'But I like you.' Then he realised how that came out. 'Er, I mean, you're really nice, really. I mean, I like you but not really like that—' _Lie. I like you a lot like that. Just listen to me stumble on my words like a smitten idiot! _

'Sirius, relax.' She let out a small laugh. 'I'm not stupid enough to think you'd like me like _that. _Don't worry.'

Sirius' paused, whatever he might have said next all but forgotten. 'What? Why would you say that?'

'Well, I'm clearly not your type.' She said. She sounded and looked so sure of it. Like it was an universal fact that Sirius Black could never like a girl like her. Oh, the irony.

'First of all, I don't have a type.' Sirius said, getting a little annoyed. 'Second of all, I might really like you. You can't just assume things about me.'

'But you just said that you didn't like me like that.' She pointed out, looking confused.

Oh, touche. 'Look, the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm worried about you. You seem sad and frankly very different. You...' He shook his head. 'Have you looked yourself in the mirror lately?'

He realised a second too late what he had said.

Nina drew back, looking like he had slapped her across the face. Her grey eyes betrayed hurt as she stared at him and her hands trembled over the opening of his robe, where they clutched it together to keep it from opening. 'I—' She swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly. 'I better go.' She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm. She flinched at the sudden contact and he loosened his hold on her arm.

'I'm sorry.' He said, looking genuinely sorry. 'I really am sorry. I didn't mean it like that.'

'It doesn't matter.' Nina replied, staring ahead at the castle. 'You just confirmed what I've been thinking about myself for the past few months.'

'No!' Sirius protested so loudly and indignantly that he made Nina look at him. 'I didn't mean it like that!' He said furiously. 'I think you're beautiful. I think you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen! It makes me angry seeing you like that. You're ruining yourself. I don't why, how or when this started, but it needs to stop!'

She stared at him for a long minute, completely frozen. Then her lips started to tremble and she took a deep, shaking breath. 'Sirius, please let go of me.' She said quietly, her eyes closed.

'No.' Sirius refused firmly. 'You can't run from me. I'm me. Even if you run now, I can corner you at every turn in the castle. You can't escape from me. I'm here to help you.'

Her eyes opened suddenly, and they looked furious. 'I don't need your help!' She screamed, yanking her hand from his grip. He was so surprised by her sudden scream that he let her. 'You're not my friend. You're no one! You don't care. You don't understand. Just – _leave me alone!_'

'Then tell me.' Sirius said, his eyes basically beginning for her not to go. 'Tell me so I can understand.'

She shook her head, her blonde hair flying all over the place. 'No, you wouldn't understand and you would only end up being disgusted with me. No one wants to deal with so much emotional garbage – especially not a boy, especially not _you._'

'Would you stop making blind assumptions about me?' Sirius snapped angrily, his hands curling into fists. 'I want to help you. Let me help you.'

'Why?' She asked, staring imploringly at him. 'Why do you want to help me so desperately? You have your friends. You have your happy life. Why would you want to help someone like me?'

'Because—' Sirius took a deep breath and taking a step toward her. She stood rooted on spot, staring at him as he approached her. When he finally stood before her, he put his hands on her shoulders and leaned forward so they were eye to eye. 'Because I _care _about you. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I just do. I care about you and I want to help you. Let me, Nina.' He whispered. 'You need it.'

She stood frozen for a moment, a statue with glassy grey eyes and white paper skin. And then, she started to shake all over. She started to shake so violently and uncontrollably that Sirius thought she was having a seizure. But then he heard the sobbing and saw the tears streaming down her face.

Normally, he felt incredibly uncomfortable around crying females but when she stumbled forward, he opened his arms and let her fall against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her skinny body, trying not to squeeze to tight.

'It just hurts so—' She choked. '—so much.'

'Shhh.' Sirius said, rubbing her back. He closed his eyes. 'Everything will be all right?'

'I don't think it will.' She said, sniffing. 'I don't think anything will be all right again.'

'Yes, it will.' Sirius said firmly, with confidence and conviction that made it impossible not to believe him. ' And Nina?'

She looked up, her face wet and tears still spilling from her eyes like a waterfall. Sirius looked in her eyes and said seriously.

'You're beautiful. Don't ever forget that.'


End file.
